Proud of my Man

I just got a text from my husband telling me his teacher said his care plans were perfect and he could choose what he wanted to do for clinicals this week..Needless to say, I am not the perfect wife.. when he studies night and day, weekend after weekend, I get frustrated. Not because I dont think he is doing a good job at school, just that we never see him. But to get a report like this makes is all worth the time away.. I keep telling myself.. it is only another year and half and we will be a happy family again. The stress has been great and time commitments he has to give school is beyond what most put in to a job, but I am just so proud and happy he is doing so good. So thankful he has a passion and is doing his best to get through school, so we can move on with our lives. He is a wonderful husband and a great father, we just miss him! I know I could be more understanding and do more around here, but we just have to take one day at a time.. love you babe!

Never enough time..

For the first time in my life I am living my dream and being a stay at home mommy.. I take care of a few kiddos a few times a week, but for the most part just get to enjoy being Zoey's mom. As I was laying with her today, to get her down for a nap, I couldn't stop thinking.. Am i teaching her enough?? should we be doing more reading? What am I missing? There is just so much they soak up, I feel like she is a little sponge. Whatever I say, she immediately says it back. I find it amazing how much she actually understands. I just sometimes worry that I am not doing enough as a mom. NOw as a wife, there is so much I can do. My husband loves a super clean and organized home. I can say, I am not the most organized person, but I am doing my best to keep up with the everyday life house stuff. I just feel like I never have enough time in my days to get it all done. I know I am a first time mom, so a lot of what I think may change when or if we have another baby, but I constantly worry if I am giving Zoey enough "me" time. I try to play and interact with her all throughout the day, but I just feel like I fail so many times. I want to do more, I want her to love Jesus and be a special girl. It amazes me how babies learn so fast to hit and little things that I have for sure not taught her, she still seems to learn.. amazing how that happens :)  I know she will not be perfect, but someday I will find a balance between, the home and giving my sweet girl all of me. There may never be enough time in a day to get it all done, but at the end of my day, when my little angel puts her hands out to me and gives me a big hug and kiss, I know one thing is perfect.. and that is what I have! I am a lucky girl!

Loads of Thankfulness!

This weekend my parents, husband, Zoey and I went to Spokane to stay the night before we would watch my nephews play football on Saturday. I have always loved getting out for a night, having a nice dinner and just enjoying a fun motel. Well, this weekend was a whole different story. We had a wonderful time being with family, but dinner took about three hours and by the time we got back to the motel, everyone was really tired and it was about 3 hours past Zoey's bedtime. I thought I'd just let her bop around the motel room to burn some energy while I was getting her bed ready. As I was unpacking her blankets, I noticed her going to a "small" white thing on the floor.. it looked like a little punch hole size piece of paper. Of course she went straight for it and I told her to go give it to her daddy... then something inside me thought I better get it from her.. so as I was going to get it from her, she put it in her mouth!! I immediately got nervous and began to scoop it out of her mouth.. she made a gagging sound and spit it out. It must have been bitter to taste! All that to say this, some how the cleaning people missed someones heart pill or valium!!! It would have killed my baby! We would not have known she even had ate something and she would have just fallen asleep. Man, it scares me just writing this and brings tears to my eyes! I was so shook up i could not stop shaking and I did not sleep until about 6am. I was so worried that even though she did not swallow it, the coating on the outside would affect her. Adult dosage pills are not made to be safe for babies!! I just can't quit thanking God for protecting my baby and keeping her safe and with us! I can not even begin to imagine out life without her. She is our everything! The joy she brings to our family is priceless! When i finally got Zoey to sleep and myself calmed down, I took the pill down stairs and talked to the people working the motel. They wanted to move rooms for us.. what good would that do I thought? Then they had the manager call me the next morning. He was trying to figure out how to compensate us for what had happened.. I nicely told him, no amount of money or voucher would have brought my baby back had she swallowed the pill! They were very nice and understood my being upset, but is all I can say is, I am So THANKFUL MY BABY GIRL IS OK! As I was cuddling her today for her nap time I could not quit thinking about how lucky we are she is still with us. The tears were just flowing. My little love baby, just rolled over and patted my cheeks. She is such an angel and i thank God every single day for blessing our lives with her!

Because He LIves~

As I was talking to my cousin about her mother, my amazing aunt, she encouraged me to listen to the song Because He Lives~ one of the main versus says, Because He Lives, I can face tomorrow, Because He lives, All Fear is gone...isn't that so true. We have no Hope for tomorrow, except for in our Heavenly Father. My aunt has struggled with ovarian cancer for 5 years now. She is the toughest gal around! Chemo therapy once a week for 5 years!! Can you even imagine?? The reality of life is, we will not have her here with us forever. She has been the glue that holds our family together ever since my grandmother passed away. My Mother and her have been my two best friends all my life. I use to tell people, I would rather hang out with those two than anyone else! My aunt has always been the best thing ever to me. She would take me on trips, to weddings, you name it...i went to a lot of places with her and Uncle Clyde. She is my hero for sure! We have prayed for a miracle, for God to heal her, but sometimes God has other plans. IT is so hard for us to let go of such amazing people, we want them here with us forever! I use to think, God if you could just let her hold on until Zoey is born.. and then that was not near enough time. The best thing ever is, Zoey and her absolutely love each other! She was the one person I wanted to call when Zoey was born. I was still getting stitched up when I called to tell her about Zoey's arrival. I could go on for hours about what an amazing mother, sister, grandmother, wife, friend she is, but there is not enough room on paper! She clearly is the toughest person I know. So many times she would get her chemo, feel like crap, and go home and cook dinner. I dont think anyone reads these posts, I just use it for a journal, but If you do, I hope you get the picture of just how wonderful she really is.She has been married to the same man for over 50 years! He has done such a beautiful job taking care of her. This morning when i was praying for her and begging God to let her live her last days on earth comfortable, without pain, I was sobbing. My sweet baby girl, crawled up in my lap, wrapped her little arm around my neck and patted my back. Now most, would probably say not to cry around your children, well my sweet girl, she has already learned about emotions and is a soother like none other. It absolutely melted my heart! She looked in my eyes and just layed her sweet little head on my chest.. can you get the picture??? She is my angel! and I thank God everyday for her. Aunt Shirley gave her a bell when we were visiting her one time. Today, Zoey happened to carry it around a lot. Kind of neat, since I could not quit thinking about her. She has been on every type of chemo there is and sadly, they have done what they are going to do. My aunt is a fighter, has a will to survive.. a will to live and make people happy. She does not want to stop the chemo, just in case it might help a little. The reality is, she has fought her fight. As much as i love her and never want to let her go, it is time for her to stop fighting so hard and just enjoy some quality days from here on out. I don't know if she will ever let go and stop the chemo, but the side affects are terrible! She has no feeling in her feet or hands, falls down in stores and no one helps her up!! What is wrong with people these days! My prayer today is , Lord, let her days be filled with joy and smiles.. No more pain or heartaches.. just happiness Lord.. may you wrap your big loving arms around her, keep her close to you . Help us to be what we can be for her and give her the strength to carry on until you carry her home to be with you and all of our loved ones. In Jesus Name, Amen

My little buggie turns ONE~

I know I am a bit behind, but I just wanted to share a few pictures of my baby girls first birthday. It was such a fun and special time. My mother made her a darling giraffe cake and we had ordered some cute decorations for the big celebration. About 20 or so friends and family came and we just had a great time. We had tons of food and the hit of the party was raspberry lemonade with fresh raspberries.. it was tasty :) It is so hard to believe my baby girl is already a year old. This year has flown. I look back at her baby pictures when she was just a few days old and can remember so vividly holding her and smelling that new baby with uncontrollable tears. Not sad tears, just tears of joy. I had wanted a baby of my own since i was a very little girl. Now God has given me her, Zoey Steele Halden, and she is the biggest dream come true I could have ever hoped for! Happy birthday buggie.. i love you

Smokey Montana

Zoey and I are so ready for this smoke to be gone.  This has been so hard this summer, because the weather is awesome, but the smoke is unreal! Zoey starts wheezing and coughing as soon as we go out. We have had to be in pretty much the entire last month! The hardest part is when she goes to the door and says please.. over and over again. Makes my heart sad. I am hoping the smoke leaves soon, so we can go for some nice fall walks before the snow starts falling. All is all, we are just so thankful to have our sweet girl. As I was laying in bed with her today, trying to get her to nap, the tears just started rolling. I still can not believe God gave me such a sweet little angel that is my very own. She is the sweetest thing on earth! I feel blessed beyond what words can say. I'm just a very lucky girl! Not to mention, I have the best husband in the world. He is in nursing school and has to study like crazy. But somehow he always finds time for Zoey and I. I am so thankful for my life~

wonderful weekend

Since I was a very little girl, I have always loved my cousin. She was the one that would say I could come play with her, even though I was the littlest girl in the bunch. She never left me out and always included me in what was going on in her love life :) She also let me go to college with her a few times, just for fun and had me over for night stays.  Well, that same girl just turned 40 this weekend and we all had a blast celebrating. She wanted us all to get a cabin at the Tamaracks in Seeley Lake, MT. Needless to say, my little Zo Bug enjoyed every single bit of it. She has absolutely no fear and when she saw the lake, there was no turning back :)  She went straight on it, clothes and all. Let's just say, her Nana was with us and went in with her, shoe's and all. We shared a cabin with my parents and had a wonderful time. The food was great, but being with family was even better!

My social bug

So, the other day we were at the mall. My one year old, does not like to sit for long periods of time.. or not at all :)  so she was walking around saying hi to the tables near ours. All of a sudden she saw some children across the way and darted straight for them. This curly haired little boy came straight to me and said, "so how old is she, and what is her name."  I told him, and he instantly hugged her and kissed her on the head. He looked up at me with his big sweet eyes and said, "you know, i think we are cousins." there was no convincing him of anything but that, so cousins they are. Hopefully we can meet him again, since we are family and all :)