For the first time in my life I am living my dream and being a stay at home mommy.. I take care of a few kiddos a few times a week, but for the most part just get to enjoy being Zoey's mom. As I was laying with her today, to get her down for a nap, I couldn't stop thinking.. Am i teaching her enough?? should we be doing more reading? What am I missing? There is just so much they soak up, I feel like she is a little sponge. Whatever I say, she immediately says it back. I find it amazing how much she actually understands. I just sometimes worry that I am not doing enough as a mom. NOw as a wife, there is so much I can do. My husband loves a super clean and organized home. I can say, I am not the most organized person, but I am doing my best to keep up with the everyday life house stuff. I just feel like I never have enough time in my days to get it all done. I know I am a first time mom, so a lot of what I think may change when or if we have another baby, but I constantly worry if I am giving Zoey enough "me" time. I try to play and interact with her all throughout the day, but I just feel like I fail so many times. I want to do more, I want her to love Jesus and be a special girl. It amazes me how babies learn so fast to hit and little things that I have for sure not taught her, she still seems to learn.. amazing how that happens :) I know she will not be perfect, but someday I will find a balance between, the home and giving my sweet girl all of me. There may never be enough time in a day to get it all done, but at the end of my day, when my little angel puts her hands out to me and gives me a big hug and kiss, I know one thing is perfect.. and that is what I have! I am a lucky girl!
This weekend my parents, husband, Zoey and I went to Spokane to stay the night before we would watch my nephews play football on Saturday. I have always loved getting out for a night, having a nice dinner and just enjoying a fun motel. Well, this weekend was a whole different story. We had a wonderful time being with family, but dinner took about three hours and by the time we got back to the motel, everyone was really tired and it was about 3 hours past Zoey's bedtime. I thought I'd just let her bop around the motel room to burn some energy while I was getting her bed ready. As I was unpacking her blankets, I noticed her going to a "small" white thing on the floor.. it looked like a little punch hole size piece of paper. Of course she went straight for it and I told her to go give it to her daddy... then something inside me thought I better get it from her.. so as I was going to get it from her, she put it in her mouth!! I immediately got nervous and began to scoop it out of her mouth.. she made a gagging sound and spit it out. It must have been bitter to taste! All that to say this, some how the cleaning people missed someones heart pill or valium!!! It would have killed my baby! We would not have known she even had ate something and she would have just fallen asleep. Man, it scares me just writing this and brings tears to my eyes! I was so shook up i could not stop shaking and I did not sleep until about 6am. I was so worried that even though she did not swallow it, the coating on the outside would affect her. Adult dosage pills are not made to be safe for babies!! I just can't quit thanking God for protecting my baby and keeping her safe and with us! I can not even begin to imagine out life without her. She is our everything! The joy she brings to our family is priceless! When i finally got Zoey to sleep and myself calmed down, I took the pill down stairs and talked to the people working the motel. They wanted to move rooms for us.. what good would that do I thought? Then they had the manager call me the next morning. He was trying to figure out how to compensate us for what had happened.. I nicely told him, no amount of money or voucher would have brought my baby back had she swallowed the pill! They were very nice and understood my being upset, but is all I can say is, I am So THANKFUL MY BABY GIRL IS OK! As I was cuddling her today for her nap time I could not quit thinking about how lucky we are she is still with us. The tears were just flowing. My little love baby, just rolled over and patted my cheeks. She is such an angel and i thank God every single day for blessing our lives with her!