My girl ~

So yesterday as I was putting Zoey to bed, she looked at me with a smile and said, "mommy, you look like Auntie Shirley." I had been having a rough day and   my self confidence was lacking. Hearing that sweet voice say that just melted me. Not that it matters who I look like, but that she saw someone special in me, instead of seeing my flaws. She was only 2 years old when Aunt Shirley went to heaven, and not a day goes by she doesn't ask about her or mention something that has to do with her. We were eating dinner at Uncle Clyde's last night and Zo asked if I ever got to visit Auntie in heaven. I explained that we can't just go there , only when Jesus takes us home to be with Him. She quickly replies,  "I know, she's up there working for Jesus" 😍

She likes to tell people Jesus picked her up on the Heaven bus and took her there. I often wonder if aunt Shirley visits her in her dreams. Zoey giggles a lot in her sleep, something I love hearing. I feel so lucky to be her momma. God blessed me with a tender hearted little firecracker ;) and Iove every inch of her. 

Happy Days~

There has been a long wait for these days to arrive.. Days where my husband no longer had to study, but got to be part of our family again! He was in nursing school for 5 years, and lets just say, we did not get to see him much. In those four-five years, we got married, had a child, had a miscarriage, moved 5 times, and clearly just tried to function happily :)

I did daycare in our home, and had 5-6 little's, under the age of 2. I love each and everyone of them so much, but the nights got long. After having small children all day, then doing night routine with Zoey every night alone, it would get lonely.But I never gave up hope, because I knew someday it would be different. Someday, we would be a whole family again. I would lay next to Zoey at night, after she finally went to sleep and would just be in awe, at the wonder of how special God made her. She never stopped smiling, even when our houses just kept getting smaller, and her toys seemed to keep going to storage. She is the greatest gift we ever received! God truly gave us a little miracle.

So, five years later, we celebrate this new change of life. Derek graduated with honors, and has already got his first nursing job! It is incredibly exciting to ask him to go for a walk with us, and hear him say yes!! Not that he did not want to go with us before, he just always had to write a paper or study for a test. Now when he is not working, he is a wonderful daddy and an amazing husband!

So thankful for this change, and we are relishing in every moment that we have! We may  not have had a summer together, but we sure can enjoy every bit of fall that we get here in Montana :)

Mother's Day

Mother's Day was such a beautiful day for our family this year. First I want to thank God for allowing me to be a mommy. That's all I wanted from the time I was three years old. I got every bit of what I wanted in our little spunky firecracker :)  She keeps me on my toes at all times. Yesterday she was a little pill, typical two year old things...but she wore me out. We had to leave REI because she hit me, when I said she could do something. I must say, she loves to shop. Really it doesn't matter where, she just loves to shop. We had talked about going to REI to get my mother's day sun glasses, and of course we were going to look for her some, but when she was naughty, I simply left the store with nothing. Well that was a first for us, and lets just say, she sobbed for a long time. It broke her heart we did not even get to look at sunglasses :)  So, we were at a family birthday dinner and she announced to everyone, " I hit my mommy in the neck and we had to leave REI, and it really mad me sad. " Thinking it made a big impact on her but it was also hard on me. I know as momma's we have to be 
the one to raise them right and teach them right from wrong, but boy do those little tears running down her cheek get to me. I know, I am sure you are saying, buck up buttercup :)  I pray everyday for God to help us raise her first to love Him, but also to be a kind, compassionate little girl. It's a tough job raising kiddos ... not sure how my mom did all three of us. Must have been that I was so sweet :)  wink wink

So, back to MOther's day. I was already extremely blessed to be a Mother myself, but to have the best Mother in the world as my own makes it an even better day! I really am thankful for all she has done for me. Not sure where I would be without her today. She has been though a lot of rough times with me, but also shared the best days of my life with me.. aka..my wedding and the birth of my daughter. Those were two very special days, that she played a huge role in. Ever since that moment Zoey was born, and my mom got to hold her, while i was being stitched up, she has bonded with Zo in such a special way! We are so blessed to have her in our life! She made many trips to Bozeman to make sure my sweet girl did not forget her.. and now that we've been in Missoula, if a week goes by without seeing her, it is too long. Soon we will be moving to the same town as her, and that will be amazing. We will have lots of family dinners, garden together and oh so much more. The joys in life don't always have to cost a lot, just being together is the greatest one I know! I also got to have my mother in law with us that day and it made it special for all of us. She is so good to us and I am thankful for the relationship we have with her as well. 

My sister surprised us and brought my three nephews to make my moms day even more special and with Nathan and Brandt being there, it completed our family. What a wonderful day we had. 

Sorry this is so long, just my thoughts for the day. Much love to all you Mommas out there! No one said it is easy, but it is the greatest job we could ever have.

All I ever needed~

So many times in life we keep searching for more things to fulfill us or make us happy, no matter what we already have. I want to be that person where less is more! I have all I ever wanted and dreamed of.
 My husband is graduating from nursing school in a week!!!! Wow, I wasn’t sure we’d ever get to this point ;) it was a long grueling process for all of us, but I’m so proud of him. He studied more than anyone I know and took everything extremely serious . Like a paper I would’ve winged the night before, he worked days and days on, staying up all hours of the night to perfect it.
 Then two and half years ago the most unimaginable thing came in our life! Our little ray of sunshine, Zoey Steele Halden. She has been a firecracker from day one and has kept up on full speed ever since. She is all I ever hoped for and more. When I put her to bed at night and say her prayers I still have the lip quiver, and tears rolling down my cheek from thanking God for our precious little Angel. 
So from the outside people might say we have so little but to me, we have everything I’ve ever wanted and more !

Fresh Start

Moving is always hard for us.. mostly, because you leave behind some of your favorite things that become comfort zones to you. That is what we did when we left Bozeman. We left a church that we were married at, had a child, and started new ventures in life with. The move to Missoula was so good for us in so many ways. We got to spend once a week dinner nights with Aunt Shirley before she went to heaven and we get to see our family so much more! Zoey is crazy about her Nanny and Pa and even though she saw them about once a month, now it is more common to see them once a week :) and we love it. And she gets to see her Granny too, so she is a lucky girl. All the good things are amazing, but Derek and I have struggled to find a home church to settle into and be us.

 
Well, today we ventured out and went to a new one! It was a total success. Zoey  absolutely loved Kids Church and didn't want to leave. Aunt Shirley use to say how awesome she thought it was for a worry wart mother like me, to let ZOey go to the nursery and me actually hear what is being preached. I must say, it is not the easiest thing I have done... I still look at my phone many times, making sure I haven't missed a call from them saying she is crying :)  but today, we were all at ease. She loved it from the start and Derek and I just felt a peace about it. We have had the normal struggle s that come along with life, finances, marriage and all that goes with it. So to find this was a huge deal for me. I know everyone has there struggles, but nursing school and a im home daycare are two very stressful worlds sometimes :)  We are going to be stronger for what we have gone through, and that I am sure!

 
All that to say this, today I am so grateful for my precious little family God gave me. I have wanted a child since I was about 3 years old.. and God gave me the sweetest, most spunky little girl ever created! We are so blessed. She adds so much to our life and I am ever grateful for her little life. I love to watch her grow and become her own little being everyday. She has just started bargaining with me and I can hardly keep a straight face :) When it is time to go to bed and I am about to turn the light out, she will hold her little finger up and say, "mommy, just one more little tiny book ok , please " just one more :)
How can I say no to that??? She is precious and the best little blessing we could have ever been given! Going to write more of what I am thankful for as the month goes on. Sorry for my scattered writing today, just needed to get thoughts off my mind. We have so much to be thankful for, and family is the best gift God could give us!

Life

Well, it has been way over due for me to get on here and actually write something... there has been a slight mind block, since my auntie went to heaven. I just couldn't find the words to say, so I said nothing at all.. When I first started blogging, I was telling her about it and she thought it was so cool.. She said ya, Kim does it too, wish I knew how to do it : )  Well now she doesn't need to blog.. but I bet she is one busy lady up there rearranging stuff and taking care of everyone pain free!! All of us who have lost little babies , no matter how far along, I know she is watching over them.. The other day it thundered... and Zoey gets so worried, I told her not to worry, it was just auntie shirwee changing the furniture around. She is making things pretty for Jesus :) She liked that and went along with what she was doing.. We have a plant from her funeral and Zoey tells everyone that it is aunt shirwee's plant and rocks :)  She would be proud!  We sure do miss her, daily, hourly, but the one thing that makes it ok is, she is no longer suffering and having to fight everyday for life... she did that for so long..

On a different note, Zoey started life saving swim lessons, aka ISR... She is only on her 3rd session and the teacher already let go of her and she floated for a minute on her own!! So proud of her.. She also let go of her and she swam to the side and grabbed the monkey bar!! Amazing!!! The teacher rocks! Zoey still cries every time she comes out of the water, but stops to listen to directions and do what she tells her. Makes this mommy proud. It is not fun to hear that cry for mommy, but it makes my heart happy she is learning something that could save her life! To me, that is what matters. Aunt Shirley would often call me at night, just to see if I emptied the water after Zoey's bath! I think about it every time I get her out and pull the plug! She was so afraid she would fall in.

This post is a bit of jabbering and all over the place, but I just wanted to get started.. just had to write and get my mind off things. I have 4 babies I am watching today and they are all sleeping at once! I call that a complete miracle!!!  Thank you Jesus :) 

Please bare with the plain color and bad font. My computer has a bug and won't let me do anything.. going to get it fixed and get some pics posted on here asap! 

Life On The Farm

These last few months, Zoey and I have been able to spend a lot of time at my parents place. They live on 32 acres on the outskirts of a beautiful little town called Paradise. When my aunt Shirley was still with us, we tried to make the drive at least once a week to visit. Now that she is gone, I have this longing to be home, closer to where so many memories of her have taken place and spend more time with my family.

Zoey, has decided she is a farm girl. She wakes up earlier, and is immediately ready to go outside and check on the goats, see the horses, feed the birds or go with Pa to see if there are any new baby calves. There is always something going on, and when all is quiet and fast asleep, you can still hear the owls and crickets making their own music.

My heart and soul have missed my auntie more than I even imagined. There are times tears just start rolling and I have to busy myself so Zoey does not worry about her momma. I know tears are all apart of healing, I just feel guilty when my sweet girl looks at me and doesn't know what is wrong. So for me, being on the farm has helped my heart in so many ways. I love new life and the smell of fresh rain. When we were up there this weekend, we saw shooting stars and yellow bells, two of the spring flowers I just love! We take lots of walks, as a request from Zo Bug, but it is good for all of us.

The one thing that happened this last time we were visiting that really touched me was when a bird hit the window a little too hard. My Mother said she tries to go out and get them so a cat does not take off with them, because often they are just stunned. But this little birdie was not going to wake up. So my Mother brought it in and let Zoey see it. She pet it and tried to give it some of her ginger ale :) Nothing like a sweet baby girl trying to make a very sleepy little birdie come back to life. She has such a sweet little heart, and is always trying to share or blow kisses to one of the animals. I hope that sweetness never changes.